Many parents find is difficult to talk to their children about sex. They are not sure when they should have this conversation or maybe they give the child too much information. The reality is that talking to your children about sex starts very early. When they first ask simple questions, you respond with simple answers. You talk to them according to the information they are seeking. If they see you are embarrassed on the subject, they will also be embarrassed. The best thing to do is to stay relaxed and show them you are confident in what you are teaching them. Here are some helpful ideas to start the conversation.

Share your values with your children, but remember as they grow up they will be making their own choices and their values may not always reflect yours. Giving your child all the facts pertaining to sex is important. Make them aware that unprotected sex has consequences. Talk to them about the different forms of birth control and that both the male and female are responsible for birth control – not just the female. When you talk to your children about sex, keep it light and funny. Try not to take on a serious attitude that will scare them. Let your child know that they can come to you with any questions they may have and assure them that you will not over-react. Share with them what your desires are for them and reassure them that you will support them through the all the changes they will go through.

Children have always learned from parental examples from their earliest days. During this time of change, they will be watching their parents even closer. When parents tell them they can ask them anything, do they really mean it? Will you as a parent listen calmly to their fears and/or questions? They are becoming teenagers.  Teenagers test the limits, and testing their parents is all part of the limits. Remember to not try to control them. Rather be patient with them while you describe to them there are consequences to all behavior. If they make choices that are poor in judgment, they will have to own that. Let your children know the difference between love and sex. Share with them the power of sexual attraction and that it takes will power to make the right decision. Remind them that love takes time to cultivate and respects each other. Let them know that love does not always mean sex. Often teenagers think being aroused is the same as being in love and therefore they think they can have sex because they love each other. Children learn facts about sex in school. They learn moral through religious training. The rest of life’s lessons come from the family.

Parents can be watchful for moments that come in their teenager’s life that they can use as “teachable moments.” Those little life lessons that pop up every so often that open the eyes of a teenager to consequences of their actions or the decisions made by their friends. When you talk to your teenager about sex and put it on their level instead of coming with the attitude of I am the parent you are the child you will be a better success rate of them listening to you.

Teenagers with a great sense of self will probably make wiser choices regarding decisions about their sexual encounters. They often live with the misconception that all of their friends are having sex, so they should as well. They do not want to be left out or worse, teased for not having sex. Therefore, unless your teenager is self-confident enough to make it clear that they have made a choice, they will probably cave to peer pressure and have sex. The downside to this is the sex they do experience will probably be without protection, thus, the likelihood of contracting a sexual disease is increased. When the teenager is confident, they may also choose to engage in sexual activity but they will do so with the knowledge of sexually transmitted diseases and are more likely to use protection.

A final note to parents, when you are talking to your teenager about sex it is very important to tell them about the sexually transmitted diseases, the statistics of how rampant they are, and how they can protect themselves against contracting a disease. If you leave this part out of the conversation, you are really wasting your time talking to them in the first place.

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