Here is the big news.  Your need for intimacy doesn’t go away as you age!  Growing older does not lessen your desire and need for affection, intimacy, and sex.  The need for emotional and physical connections last a lifetime, and that includes a healthy sexual relationship.  In fact, a healthy sex life can have positive effects on nearly every part of your life, including self-esteem, and physical and mental health.

Most people continue to have sexual fantasies while they are nearing ninety.  The need is still there and the need for intimacy is still strong.  Of course, if you are in your 60’s or 70’s it won’t necessarily be the same as it was when you were younger.  However, all it takes is a little extra effort and it can be and enjoyable as ever. 

The key to a continuing active sex life is an understanding of the physical and psychological changes you and your spouse are going through that are age related.  Once you realize what adjustments need to be made, you can make senior sex much better. 

Did you know that testosterone is the hormone that creates the sex drive for both men and women?  Most men and women keep on producing testosterone so their interest in sex continues.  If you are a senior and find you have lost interest in sex, consult your doctor as you might have a low testosterone level.  Aging does lead to other changes in your body that makes it more of a challenge to have an enjoyable sex life. 

If you are a woman, your sex drive is directly linked to hormones.  If you are post menopause, your hormones have decreased and less estrogen levels are lower.  This can cause pain during intercourse because of the loss of elasticity in the vagina.  It also takes longer to be lubricated even if you are sexually aroused.  Often women have slight vaginal bleeding, or a burning sensation after sex.  The vaginal walls are thinner, not lubricated as they once were, and doesn’t stretch.  This makes it uncomfortable to have sex.  By using a water-based personal lubricant, or longer foreplay will make a difference.  Your doctor can also help you find a balance in your hormone level to increase your pleasure in sex.  Studies show that if you have an active sex life, the vagina doesn’t lose as much elasticity and lubrication is preserved.

Be honest with your partner.  Talk about ways that can make it more pleasurable for you.  It’s important that he knows what is happening so he will not think the signs are a lack of desire for him.

If you are a man, you may have trouble getting and keeping an erection.  They may not last as long or be as firm as they were when you were young.  As you age, the time between ability to ejaculate is also possible.  Again, be honest with your partner, sometimes a little extra effort will help reduce this problem.  If you are having prolonged periods of impotence, keeping an erection, or reaching ejaculation, consult with your doctor.  Medication can be prescribed to help maintain erection, and other therapies are available to help men with these problems.

Psychological changes can have an affect on your sexual desire.  A healthy sex life is mental as well as physical.  Different situations can affect your interest in sex.  Depression, illness, stress, and anxiety can all affect your ability to become aroused and reach an orgasm. 

While you are aging, you are noticing more gray in your hair, losing your hair, your body starts to droop and wrinkles appear.  All of these can make you feel less attractive to your partner.  Self-esteem is a big issue here and you may be uncertain if you are still wanted.  Major lifestyle changes such as retirement or your last child leaving home can make a major impact on your psychological health.  The stress of worrying about not being able to meet your partner’s needs makes it even harder to become aroused and you may start to emotionally withdraw from your partner.

Open communication is the key when these problems are happening.  Explain what you are feeling and work together to correct the problems.  Give and accept reassurance and take it slow and easy to avoid the pressure of performance.

A positive, loving sex life is possible for people of all ages.  It might take a little extra effort but the results are helpful.

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